counsel

/'kaυnsəl/ n. 1 the act of exchanging ideas; act of talking things over. 2 carefully considered advice.

Rachel and I had thought we’d get a bit of a break now that the biggest aspects of the wedding have been confirmed. We had our first “pre-marriage counselling” session with Pastor Dave on the weekend, and he’s given us plenty more stuff to keep us busy!

We handed him our “notice of intent” (I think it’s called), and he gave us a quick look through some sample orders-of-service, just to give us an idea of what to plan for. I hadn’t given much thought to singing, musicians, etc. but Rachel’s been mulling it over. We’ll have to chat a bit about it and work out some details. He asked us about various roles and responsibilities — “who’s doing what”, if you like. He also suggested we start thinking about when we’ll have the rehearsal. We haven’t even finalised what time the wedding itself will actually start, so we should get that organised, too! I need to organise some Auslan/English interpreters as well... Hmm...

It was a pretty productive session, and I thought it was really cool. Next time we catch up with him (in a couple of weeks) we get to run through the “Prepare” pre-marriage counselling quiz ... to work out where any possible areas of conflict might be!!

That’s a bit scary!

Cheers,
Andy

denomination

/də,noməˈneιſən/ n. 1 a name for a group or class of things. 2 a religious group or sect.

So far, the planning aspect of the wedding has gone very smoothly, I think. Rachel and I have been taking things one step at a time, just organising whatever needs to be done as it happens, and there haven’t been too many dramas. We paid a deposit for a photographer, Rachel’s bought her dress, ... but the Church has been one of the most difficult aspects of our planning.

We’ve arranged for Michael Zanetti to be our photographer on the day, and had a meeting with him a few weekends ago. I didn’t really know that much about him, but he took the photos for my sister’s wedding back in 2006 (see my previous post: “marriage”) and both Belinda and Mum suggested we should speak with him. He was very friendly, accommodating, and showed us some of his work and the different packages he offers. Apparently he doesn’t advertise a whole lot, but relies largely on word-of-mouth for referrals. It was a very constructive session for us, and we feel very confident about his service. (Plus, he’s one of the cheaper wedding photographers around). I’m looking forward to the “pre-wedding photo shoot” he’s offered us.

Rachel’s very excited about the purchase of “the dress”. It wasn’t the one she originally had in mind, but one she happened to see hanging on the rack at one of the boutiques she visited with her sister. She keeps telling me how she wishes I could see it, but knows it’s “not allowed” until the wedding day. That’s all right with me; I’m looking forward to the nice surprise...

I never thought it would be such a hassle to arrange a venue for the wedding ceremony itself. We already have our reception venue booked, have paid the deposit, and have also reserved a formal garden to have photos taken after the service. All this was relatively easy. My biggest disappointment has been the hurdles we’ve had to tackle in trying to book a Church. We’re not getting married near home (in fact, it’s a reasonable drive out of Sydney), so we wanted to find a nice venue which was comfortable, reasonably attractive, and not too pricey. I never realised that wanting to use our own minister would be such a drama. The Presbyterian Church we contacted had strict rules about who was allowed to marry in their Church. When I asked for an explanation of the reasons behind these rules, we were told we didn’t “meet the criteria” because we weren’t members of the Church or had a family connection there. Then the minister sternly told me he “wasn’t able to take the matter any further” with us. I didn’t think I was being particularly pushy, so the tone surprised me a bit. Anyway, that was the end of that! So, a couple of weekends ago, we visited a neighbouring Anglican Church. I’d phoned them earlier, asking their opinion about using our own minister, but they encouraged us to attend one of the services and call back when the senior pastor returned from his leave. We enjoyed the service and the message there. They’d sent us preliminary info about fees and other requirements (something like $400 for hall hire, an additional $50 for a “verger”, a “compulsory” marriage preparation course at extra cost, and a session of “Christianity Explained”). They were quite friendly on the day we were there, and potentially the sanctuary was big enough for the number of guests we’ll invite. I was hoping we wouldn’t need to go to “Christianity Explained” — we’re pretty cool with understanding what that’s all about! — and figured I could work that all out when I called the senior pastor. Sadly, we were rejected again! Not so much that we wanted to use their Church (they clearly allow that and have procedures in place for that to occur), but using our own minister was (again) the problematic requirement. I like to have an explanation for these sorts of things. His reply to my question was that “it’s not really my decision, but rather a new regulation just been passed by the bishop.” What a cop-out! He also said that even though we’re “all part of the same ‘family’,” they’ve had problems previously with ministers from other denominations preaching messages they’ve not been happy with. My immediate thought was that it would be quite easy to ask any minister what he/she was going to say before the sermon was “approved” (how far wrong can you go at a wedding?) ... but maybe they just think it’s easier to say “no”.

In a way, I can accept that it is their building, and their denomination, so they can choose who comes in and for what purpose. On the other hand, though, I find it extremely disappointing that our own Christianity and history was irrelevant, and that despite our own confessions of faith, they were worried about what another Protestant minister was going to say ... at a wedding ceremony, of all places!

Personally, I’m fed up with that type of insular, sectarian, bigoted attitude in the Christian Church. It’s that kind of stuff that gives us all a bad name. The Presbyterians and the Anglicans haven’t done themselves any favours from our point of view ... If ever we were looking for a new Church family after we get married, we know which denominations we won’t be looking at!

In contrast, this morning we went to a Uniting Church service. The Church itself doesn’t look too crash hot from the outside (a big consideration for Rachel), but the inside is pretty, the sanctuary is certainly big enough, has a nice outlook over the bush, is at a perfect distance between home and the reception venue, doesn’t cost anywhere near as much ($80 for building hire) ... and most importantly from my perspective: the people and the pastor were the warmest, friendliest, most welcoming, most agreeable and open, most flexible we’ve encountered.

So, it seems like that’s the winner! I’ll contact the pastor again today, and then everything is confirmed. After that, I think we’ll have a little bit of time for a short breather from planning, because now most of the big stuff is done!

Hope you come back to the blog to check out how things are progressing next time.

Cheers.